I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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