I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
