i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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