I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
