Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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