I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
