i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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