Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
