it wasn't lemon gatorade
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
