...so i touched it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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