It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
