Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
