O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
