textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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