This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't deserve a penis
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize