We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
