Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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