Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
