a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
