On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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