You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
