I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
