I wish life had little blips of pornography
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
