He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
