just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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