Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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