yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
