I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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