i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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