all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
