I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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