I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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