She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
they need to just BURY HIM!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
