whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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