we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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