Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
