oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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