and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today