I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.