Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
