I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.