Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

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  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1498) Bad night (918)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on

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  (250): my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on http://tfl.nu/e38v
  Replies (19) Good night (4819) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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  (513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4
  Replies (15) Good night (5551) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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  (412): Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record. http://tfl.nu/e6sm
  Replies (8) Good night (4890) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.

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  (603): Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college. http://tfl.nu/nve2
  Replies (13) Good night (6017) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"

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  (714): You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party" http://tfl.nu/cx8m
  Replies (7) Good night (2719) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls

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  (254): I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls http://tfl.nu/dudn
  Replies (14) Good night (2520) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.

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  (415): She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision. http://tfl.nu/yqhh
  Replies (19) Good night (5269) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?

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  (541): Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am? http://tfl.nu/ak1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1699) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.

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  (845): Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored. http://tfl.nu/hxpc
  Replies (2) Good night (1486) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.

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  (203): In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window. http://tfl.nu/vk8f
  Replies (6) Good night (624) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (19): View more from

  Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection

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  (19): Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection http://tfl.nu/jg8t
  Replies (1) Good night (901) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship

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  (631): I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship http://tfl.nu/5hnm
  Replies (1) Good night (375) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?

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  (848): How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window? http://tfl.nu/f8ev
  Replies (1) Good night (317) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude

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  (417): You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude http://tfl.nu/zezo
  Replies (0) Good night (457) Bad night (396)

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