just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.