it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering