there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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