She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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