i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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