Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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