found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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