Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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