Welp...herpes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
