I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
