Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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