Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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