You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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