So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
