Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
