i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
