Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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