Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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