the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
