Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
