I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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