I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
