I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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