I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
