my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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