Small penises have feelings too.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
