he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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