fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
