wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
