it's too hot outside to masturbate.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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