the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
