loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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