she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
