I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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