exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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