just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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