is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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