tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
