Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
